Deflated

Like a balloon, I feel deflated.  One of my goals, which I have yet to reveal, is about being more organized and more efficiant and getting things accomplished.  I feel like I have taken a giant step backwards and I am really having a hard time being productive.

From time to time I daydream about being a stay at home mom.  I would love...no, LOVE to spend my days with my little boy.  I know that he is safe at his school and I know that he is learning a lot more than what I could teach him at home and he likes it, but I have hit a road block at work, which makes me want to be home. 

In all actuality I like what I do.  I don't live to do it, rather I do it to make a living.  But, as human service jobs go, this one is being tough.  No medical benefits, no pay raises-instead pay cuts, and lots of things that need to be fixed.  These things make it tough to want to keep going and busting my back.  I know that I need to be able to access Health Insurance benefits and I know that I need to play my part in providing for my family, which means financial security.  But how do I begin?  How do I come to terms with the reality that is interviewing and hoping to get hired?  How do I decide what I want to do?  I think often about getting out of social services as this field hinges upon how people vote and how our state leaders make decisions.  So as I asked before, how do I begin? 

Accountability

One of the reasons why I decided to start this blog is because I would like to make some changes in my life.  I would like to be a better me for myself and those around me.  I have been reading one of the blogs that I follow and this woman has really inspired me to make some changes in my life.  I already knew I wanted to make some changes before reading her blog, but I feel more motivated for those changes now that I have become a follower of her blog. 
This woman is honest and open with how she is feeling.  She is real!  What I like about her blog is that she and I have some similarities and she has spoken, well written really, opening about her fears of failures and not being able to keep the changes once they occur.  So this blog is also about accountability for me.  I need and want to be accountable for who I am and who I want to be.  This is not about low self-esteem, because I am very confident in myself. 
I will share my goals with you after I have taken the time to come up with the whys and hows of them.

Do you have any goals or life changes that you have been thinking about making?  Please feel free to share!

Blog, Really?

I have been toying with the idea of starting a blog for some time now, and finally took the plunge.  I read a few peoples' blogs and have found them enlightening and enjoyable.  I think there are reasons for starting my blog, This Captivating Life, and I am not sure if I know all of those reasons yet.  Can I just say that it is something that feel called to do at this moment? 

Like many women, I am a verbal processor...I have to talk things through and even when I should be all talked out about a topic, I keep talking about it.  I have attempted to journal my thoughts and experiences, but that seems to be short lived and I give up on it almost right away.  Sometimes I feel like I have an inner monologue that is just screaming to be put onto a blog...so here I am.  I only hope that I can be as inspiring as the bloggers that I follow. 

A little bit about me: I am a dreamer, and I need to allow myself to remember that part of me, and so in this blog, I might get a little grand and unrealistic sometimes.  I am spiritual; I may express my spirituality through my blog posts.  I have been provided for in ways only explainable by faith and I may choose to share those experiences.  I am human; I may not always be the best version of myself, but that is what this blog is supposed to do for me, be the best version of myself.  Feel free to use this blog as an opportunity to be the best version of yourself as well. 

Welcome to My Captivating Life!