Monday, February 27, 2012

"Thy word is a lamp unto my feet..."

" and a light upon my path!" 
So this song plays at Mass on Ash Wednesday.  And it just repeats over and over again through communion.  Lately I have been praying for answers about how to be a better wife, mother, friend and person.  One thing that has me so worked up at home is the messes that are left forever and another is how sick Mason keeps getting.  I cannot help but feel that it is MY job as a wife and mother to care for the messes in the home and to care for my sick son, even to the point of preventing him from getting sick.  I have been reading about parenting and have been listening to a lot of Family Life Today and really enjoy the program, but feel like I am severely neglecting the family and not focusing on what God says is important.

My husband, the next great Saint, is so patient with me.  He actually does more than his fair share of housework and caring for our son.  I just have to take a moment to say that I am so very lucky to have a husband who is as involved in the tasks that are traditionally "woman's work".  I can trust my husband to take Mason to the doctor and get all the info we need to heal our son.  I can send my husband to the grocery store and he can often shop better than me...he sticks to the lists!  I LOVE that I have a more than equal relationship with the hubby!

But let's face it, I feel like I just want to be at home.  I want to run my household, care for my man and son and be able to do all of the things on my list of "good parenting" tasks.  This feeling that I just want to be domestic does not come easily or comfortably.  I was raised in a home where the matriarch of our family ran the household and worked too!  She did just about everything, except some things that I happen to find more important than having a spotless house. But now I see the damage this does to a woman's soul, body, and mind.  I also spent many years fighting against the tradtional views of "woman's work" and fancied myself a bit modern and feminist. Through the growth and development of my understanding of God's purpose for woman, which I personally feel has been greatly misunderstood, I find myself rejecting those thoughts of feminism, modernism, and all around super-mom-ness. 

So the reading that I have been doing, and the Family Life programs that I have been listening to all connect with the thoughts that I have for my future and the kind of parent, woman, wife, & friend that I want to be.  So as I pray for God's guidance in these thoughts so that I may make the right decision for my family and myself, I keep hearing that chorus of that hymm play over and over in my head...
"Thy word is a lamp unto my feet and light upon my path".